Beware of Strange Doctors

AFP reports on a study conducted by Stanford University School of Medicine that concludes that 1 out of 8 residents of the United States has an Internet usage problem. It is not, they claim, that these people need access (my previous definition of an Internet usage problem), but that people in the study

hid their Internet surfing, or went online to cure foul moods in ways that mirrored alcoholics using booze, according to the study's lead author, Elias Aboujaoude.

I'm no doctor, but it wasn't difficult to take note of what the report didn't say: what these users, mostly single males in their 30s, were doing online for their "30 hours per week of non-essential computer use."

When John Keehler first pointed me to Google Trends, I immediately started comparing the search popularity of my company's clients and their competitors. I was very pleased to see that some of our national clients fared what I considered initially to be very well. When two relative search terms are put side-by-side without any indication of absolute amplitude, it's very easy to fall into the trap of thinking the results indicate something meaningful. Then I had the hare-brained idea to see how some of our clients' brands stacked up against what had recently been reported as a very common search term that needs no external marketing at all: Porn.

It wasn't even close. The relative terms I had been searching, with peaks and valleys to correspond with topical news events, just flatlined on Google Trends' graph. I was humbled. It seems that all the good intentions and best laid plans of mice and marketers will not change the human condition.

I haven't even seen the actual study yet, but I can guarantee that most people with an "Internet-addiction" problem were not spending 30-some "non-essential" hours looking for ways to donate to charity or find medicine for the sick.

I'm not saying that people don't have Internet-related addiction problems outside of porn -- and that, one way or the other, this addiction doesn't have to be addressed -- but before accepting this study as gospel and calling for the creation of help groups, public service announcements and government programs to institute a widespread reduction of Internet usage, at least be bold enough to ask the question: What were they doing online? The answer matters, even if people don't like to talk about it.

People who have a stake in traditional media and who generally want to fight human behavior, such as Mike Shaw at ABC (credit Hee Haw Marketing) might want us to believe this study means that the tool is evil and should therefore be avoided (By the way, watch some TV, turn off your DVR, and pay attention to our boring commercials that have nothing at all to do with your life). Other marketers, if they believe my theory, will instead embrace this behavior and serve up in their advertising what these 30-something single males are searching for. However, all it really means is that marketers have their work cut out for them to get the attention of audience members who are distracted by their more ignoble passions.

- Cam Beck